my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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