i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
