My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
