Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
