He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
