I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
