U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wannas sexs uuuuu
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
