Christians are straight up FREAKS
"it" just moved
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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