I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
