I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
