Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
