just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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