we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will be naked everywhere
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
