his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
