So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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