im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
