I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize