there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
