If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
