I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize