meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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