I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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