I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize