I'm lost and stupid without you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
