your parents love me but you hate me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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