My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
