phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
