dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're too hungover to prance.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
