Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
