I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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