i would punch a child for taco bell
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize