I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
