If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
