i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
