Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
