The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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