Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
