i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
