girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
