Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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