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i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
