I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
