bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
