I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
