I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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