what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
