All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
