Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
