I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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