wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I pour the whiskey from now on
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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