Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
