WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Are we still banned from the library?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
