he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
