I'm eating all of the evidence.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize