i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
