So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize