he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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