I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
