This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize