hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
