If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
