Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
