they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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