How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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