I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
