She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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