come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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