saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
did you just send me my own nude
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize