In the future we'll all be gay
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
