My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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