have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize