i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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