she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
