Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My cat gives me a boner
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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