remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
