she was so not down for the gang bang
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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