There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
