the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
