i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
