I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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