fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
