Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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