I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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