im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
