You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
