I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
