he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
